News – Eurovision Song Contest Winner Survives Assassination Attempt 

A failed suspected attempt to assassinate the Austrian winner of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest took place early yesterday evening. Udo Jürgens was making his way to the Swinging Chandelier night club where he was due to perform. He was less than five minutes from the home of Lady Victoria Parker, with whom he is staying during his trip to the UK, when a large black car tried to force him from the road. 

Her ladyship’s driver handled the situation with aplomb and managed to keep the vehicle on track. Police have hailed the driver as a hero, for his handling of the situation. Her Ladyship is said to be relieved at the news. Mr Jürgens is expected to add an additional date to his calendar to accommodate disappointed fans. 

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